


The Adventures of Derek Hale and Kitty Stilinski

by Hoshisaki



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adorable Derek, Cats, Derek is Not a Failwolf, Fluff, Humour, Just Add Kittens, M/M, Stiles has a cat, Wolf!Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 20:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2706020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoshisaki/pseuds/Hoshisaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles gets a cat whose name is sort of unknown. Even to Stiles. Derek takes an interest. These are the chronicles of The Stilinski Cat, nicknamed Kitty Stilinski.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Derek Hale and Kitty Stilinski

**The Adventures of Derek Hale and Kitty Stilinski**

 

 

Summary: Stiles gets a cat whose name is sort of unknown. Even to Stiles. Derek takes an interest. These are the chronicles of The Stilinski Cat, nicknamed Kitty Stilinski.

 

***

 

\- Stiles has a new cat. Name? Unknown as of yet.

 

\- The day, Stiles presents the kitten to the assembled pack, she falls over her wobbly paws. Derek picks up the little ball of fur and it's love on first sight. The pack watches in amazement as Derek's huge hands affectionately caress the tiny cat. Derek doesn't even notice them staring. He's busy on Cloud 9.

 

\- ”What's your cat's real name?!“ – The daily question. Personally, Derek prefers to call her Kitty Stilinski. It seems fitting.

 

\- Soon after the cat's initiation into the pack, they start a heated discussion on the color of Kitty Stilinski's fur. Most of them say, it's black, but Stiles insists, it's a kind of very dark dark gray with a brownish tinge. ”See,“ he says. ”Take Derek's hair for example, that's pure black hair. Now, behold the difference!“ He puts the cat on top of Derek's head and is massively proud of his argumentative skills.

 

\- Stiles gathers all his wolfy friends around the cat tree (nicknamed: Evil Comic Villain Scratcher, because it said ”scrachter“ on the price tag; naturally Stiles added the rest), demanding, ”Alright guys, pop your claws and teach her what to do with this thing!“

 

\- Because Derek turns out to be not only fond of Kitty Stilinski but also quite a passable teacher (and who would have thought that after all the evidence pointing in the other direction) and Stiles is busy with school during the day, he decides to hire Derek as the cat's nanny. For free.

 

\- Kitty Stilinski gets ”Hunting 101“ lessons, given by Prof. Hale. Also: ”Kill the deer, leave it on the front porch, put the cat next to it, snap a picture of Stiles' face when he comes home“ – Derek's to-do list one Thursday afternoon.

 

\- Three weeks into the acquaintance of Derek Hale and Kitty Stilinski, Stiles bursts into the loft, yelling on top of his lungs, ”Derek! You taught my cat the Judgmental Eyebrow!“

 

\- The bad day, Stiles' classmate does her book presentation on “Twilight” and the class discusses the similarities between Bella and Stiles, Scott not being helpful by not-so-discreetly whispering, ”Dude, if you're that Bella chick, does that make Derek the vampire?“, Stiles comes home to find Derek and the cat playing in his bedroom. They ignore him, so he seeks comfort on the internet. Which ends up showing him pictures of Grumpy Cat. Stiles prints out a picture of the famous cat and asks Derek so sit still. He snaps a photo of Derek, the Grumpy Cat picture in his arms. It's totally worth the day's pain.

 

\- ”Derek, why is my cat mewling at the full moon?“ There's just nothing left to be added here.

 

\- Somehow Kitty Stilinski's first encounter with catnip ends with Derek being high as a kite.

 

\- Derek teaches Kitty Stilinski, ”Precise Pouncing. You'll know you've hit your target when the toy squeaks in agony!“ Truth is, Derek loves the squeaky toy and wants it all for himself, can't quite show it though, because apparently he has a reputation to maintain. Stiles, however, knows him better than that. (Also, he is occasionally used for target practice by Derek. They can't pounce the same target at the same time without injury, now can they? It's pretty accurate though, the sounds Stiles makes.)

 

\- One day, Kitty Stilinski is missing. Stiles mobilizes the pack to find the lost cat. The scent trail leads to the loft where they find wolf!Derek and Kitty Stilinski curled up against each other on the couch.

 

\- The first milk tooth Kitty Stilinski loses ends up stuck to her nose. Stiles rolls around laughing for half an hour before helping her out of her misery. Apparently the tooth tickled.

 

\- When Derek keeps asking Stiles about the cat's name, Stiles comes up with a lot of creative diversion techniques. Basically, they have awesome sex. Derek tends to ruin the after-glow by asking again.

 

\- Kitty Stilinski turns out to be some kind of a vigilant watchdog. Yeah, Stiles knows, she's in questionable company most of the time, and the dog jokes are not helping. Still, every time Dad wants a piece of evil, greasy bacon or any other kind of meat, Kitty Stilinski is there to save the day by eliminating the threat to Dad's poor heart and Stiles' early gray hair.

 

\- Derek eventually admits to having two lists: One collects all the names Stiles has ever called his cat, the other is a list of mostly crossed out names. ”Natasha?“ Derek asks. ”Oh my God, Derek! That's not her name, y'know!“ Derek crosses out another name.

 

\- One day, Stiles is so frustrated with his homework that he crumbles up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder. Turns out, Kitty Stilinski's new favorite pastime is playing with crumbled up paper. It keeps her occupied for hours! Also, it's unbelievably cute.

 

\- Stiles has enough of Kitty Stilinski's new eyebrow trick: The Judgmental And Simultaneously Pitying Eyebrow. It kills his mood to masturbate with the cat in the house. So he seeks out Derek for help. He has it on the best authority (his own) that Derek is, in fact, capable of providing a solution to his problems. It's also the day they start screwing without the intense name game foreplay. At least, no one's talking about the cat anymore.

 

\- Dad asks Stiles why the receipt from the supermarket says, they should have at least five boxes of cat treats in the storage cupboard when there's only one! Stiles suspects Derek of overindulging his cat and confronts him about it. On movie night later that day, he catches Liam and Scott snacking on his (quite expensive) cat treats. Stiles spends the rest of the night on his knees in front of Derek, ”apologizing“.

 

\- Stiles falls over laughing the day he sees Kitty Stilinski piggy-back riding wolf!Derek, says, all they'd need now is a donkey and a cock, so they'll have a complete set. Derek wonders if he had missed some kind of bedroom-now-please-clue and is about to suggest to give Stiles some cock should he so badly need one, when Stiles interrupts his naughty thoughts and confused frowny face by explaining the tale of ”The town musicians of Bremen“.

 

\- People keep asking Stiles to show them his latest phone-recorded video clip of Kitty Stilinski. It sort of gets out of hand. Stiles wonders if he should start video-blogging about his cat. Lydia advises him to set up a fee at the very least.

 

\- While doing his homework Stiles gets distracted and ends up reading about Sigmund Freud instead of Friedrich Nietzsche. Frowning he turns to Derek who is snuggling with a purring Kitty Stilinski on the bed and straight out asks him if he ever – in human form that is – has experienced some sort of envy in regards to Kitty Stilinski's long, graceful tail.

 

\- Every time Derek calls the cat ”Stilinski“ or ”Kitty Stilinski“ in that special voice, it makes Stiles' heart grow soft and fond.

 

\- Lydia wonders if they should take high resolution photos of the puppy-wolf-and-kitten-piles to make posters for the next demonstration for peace and tolerance.

 

\- Derek takes up translating Kitty Stilinski's thoughts on various decisions Stiles has made, be it about the cat food or why the cat tree should be moved exactly 1,5 inches to the left of its current position. Also: instructions on how to properly scratch behind the ears.

 

\- Stiles watches in heavenly amusement while wolf!Derek and Kitty Stilinski chase their own and each other's tails around the back yard. At some point Dad brings popcorn. Stiles has the time of his life.

 

\- The other werewolves are a bit jealous when they find out about Derek and Kitty Stilinski talking to one another. They pout because the cat is not talking to any of them.

 

\- Kitty Stilinski lets Derek in on all of Stiles' dirty secrets, for the right (edible) price of course. Example: She gets a treat for each one of the Jane Austen DVDs, Stiles thinks are well hidden under the bed and only ever watched when he's alone at home. Boy, was he wrong!

 

\- When Kitty Stilinski has a sneezing fit, the pack gathers around and coos.

 

\- Stiles will forever remember the day, Dad found out about him and Derek: Dad is talking to Derek in the upstairs hallway, Kitty Stilinski cradled in Derek's arms, when Stiles emerges from the bathroom, clad only in a fluffy towel around his waist. Nothing unusual at this point in the Stilinski household. Except, then Kitty Stilinski wriggles out of Derek's arms, pounces at Stiles, clawing at the temptingly swaying towel and thereby effectively ridding Stiles of his sole article of clothing (if you could even call it that). Dad does not need a dentist's professional report to match the bite marks on Stiles' thighs to Derek's fangs and bunny teeth.

 

\- Kitty Stilinski always rides shotgun in the Camaro. Or in the soccer mom Toyota. Also in the Jeep, the Sheriff's cruiser and Lydia's funny, little car.

 

\- Stiles shows up at the loft to show Derek Kitty Stilinski's new favorite toy: his trainers' laces. He sits on the couch, lifts his feet and Kitty Stilinski immediately starts clawing and biting at the swinging laces. It's adorable, really! Derek's getting soft as a marshmallow, watching the cat play. Until he notices the position Stiles is in, legs raised and spread wide, back and elbows pressing into the upholstery, face glowing with excitement. All the softness is instantly gone. So are, a second or two later, Stiles' shoes from his feet. Kitty Stilinski happily munches away on the laces while the silly humans do silly stuff on the poor couch.

 

\- Stiles is pissed the day he comes home to find Derek and Kitty Stilinski hosting a carnivorous tea-party. The worst thing about it: They invited his Dad.

 

\- Lydia's aunt invited herself over for the weekend. The problem? Her new boy toy is allergic to dogs. So Lydia asks Stiles to dog-sit Prada for a couple of days. With the cat in the house, Stiles doesn't think, that's a good idea. When Derek offers to cat-sit Kitty Stilinski for the duration of Prada's stay, Stiles is not fooled in the least.

 

\- Somewhere along the way, cats-and-dogs-(or wolves, to be accurate) jokes become second nature.

 

\- The only time ever Kitty Stilinski scratches Derek with purpose is to fight him off her squeaky toy. It's late in the evening of Thanksgiving. After that incident, Stiles gets Derek a squeaky toy for Christmas.

 

\- Kitty Stilinski uses Judgmental Eyebrow on Derek. It's very effective. The other way 'round? Not so much.

 

\- There are times both Derek and Dad eat all their healthy veggies. Well, what choice do they have when vegetables are all that's left on the plate after Kitty Stilinski ninja-sneaks the meat off the table?

 

\- The day Stiles adds Derek to Kitty Stilinski's official documents is also the day Derek accepts Stiles' marriage proposal. Scott jokes about joined custody arrangements.

 

\- The pack thinks it funny to customize the wedding cake's icing, changing it from boring, clichéd phrases such as ”Happily ever-after!“ or ”Just married!“ to ”20 bucks say, he still doesn't know the old cat's name!“

 

\- ”What's your cat's real name?!“ – The never-ending mystery.

 

***

 

\- Epilogue: The day after Kitty Stilinski's funeral, Dad asks them tentatively, ”So... Will your next love child be another cat or in fact human?“ 'Cuz if so, he reasons, ignoring their collective shocked faces, he claims the right of naming the child, since he's the only grandparent the kid will ever know. Stiles argues that Dad has had his one shot at naming kids and look how that turned out! Of course, Stiles caves the day the adoption process is complete. Haley Stilinski is 3 years old when she gets her first cat, named Kitty. There's the phrase, ”The Legacy Lives On!“ written around her bowl.

 

THE END

 

 


End file.
